Friday, December 20, 2013

My Struggle.

**disclaimer – I’m not pointing fingers at any one person, nor am I trying to make anyone feel bad for things they may have said/posted.  This is just how I feel.  I have written, re-written, thought and prayed a lot before posting this because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.**

My struggle.  It’s a serious one that heightens at certain times.  Right now, it’s off the charts.

I was chatting with my sister yesterday and she shares the same struggle as me.  It makes us sad that we feel this way, but admitting your struggle is the first step to recovery right?!

Well, here it goes…

I struggle with JEALOUSY!  There.  I said it.  I can’t decide if it makes me feel better or worse.

What exactly am I jealous of?  Stay-at-home moms.

I try my hardest not to judge their daily activities as I know they struggle with things as well, but social media makes it so hard!!  Yes, I watch all of the videos and read the blogs that talk about what they do all day.  They are tired.  Tired from chasing kids around.  Tired from fixing breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Even tired from taking care of their sick children.  I know they are tired, I’m a mom too.

I don’t have the luxury to chase my kid around all day.  Fix her breakfast and lunch.  Hold her all day long if she’s not feeling well. Why?

Because I have a full-time job.

Yes, my baby is only 7 months old, but since the day I returned to work, I've struggled.

You know.  Come to think of it, it’s extremely ironic.  The only thing that stands in MY way of being a stay-at-home mom is STUDENT LOANS.

Student loans that I acquired from a private Christian school.  The school that gave me my education.  The education that allowed me to get a job.  A job that I no longer want!!

I can’t say that I would take back the years I spent in college because I met some of my very best friends while I was there, but if I had I known that I would feel so strongly about this and been able to see the future (what we all wish I’m sure) I might not have made the same choices.

So, here I sit.  At work.  Longing to be home with my baby.  And reading all day long the status updates of those stay-at-home moms.


No, it’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for how I feel or what I did to myself.  I just ask that you pray for me.  For all of us.  Mom’s that have no choice, but to work.  Pray that one day we will have the option to stay at home with our children and be tired from having the best job in the world!!

Luckily, I have an amazing husband who supports this decision and is working hard for me to, hopefully soon, have this luxury and I thank God for him every day!!



Anonymous said...

Hang in there and I will be praying for you! I can only imagine how hard it must be. - Natasha

Anonymous said...

This struggle is hard, hard, hard! God did not make mothers to hand their children to somebody else to take care of and most of us struggle mightily with it! I have no answers but I understand how you feel. Going back to work and leaving my first born with my mama to care for may have been the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew he would be well cared for and loved but that didn't help. He was MINE to take care of!

Anonymous said...

Sweet friend, Praying for you and hoping real soon you will be able to stay home with your precious Wren! -Tracy Hyche (Harrison #1 mom)