Thursday, March 27, 2014

You're My Favorite Becady

"There's a snake in my boots."
"Reach for the sky."
"Somebody's poisoned the waterhole."
"You're my favorite deputy."

When Gary's oldest niece, Hannah, was a baby she said all kinds of silly phrases.  She loved the movie Toy Story and would quote Woody by saying, "You're my favorite becady."

I am a 'words of affirmation' girl and I know that because I use that love language on those around me.  So, I constantly tell Gary that he's my favorite, to which he replies, "You're my favorite becady!"

Gary doesn't necessarily care for the book The Five Love Languages, but I find it to be quite useful!  I've never read the book, to be honest, but I've studied up on the languages and Gary is quality time.  Some of his most favorite times are when we are in the car (pre or post baby) and he and I can just talk.  We can go on an 8 hour car ride and never turn the radio on!  He gets frustrated when I call my sister when we are in the car because he calls that 'our time.'

I find it be VERY important to learn your spouse's love language as well as knowing your own.  The more you know about the one you share a life with the easier your marriage will be!

Gary's dad was in graduate school when he and I were engaged.  He was taking some psychology classes and had to have volunteers to take a temperament analysis.  Gary and I volunteered and it was one of the best decisions we ever made.  A person's temperament is something deeper than their personality.

Temperament = innate or inborn, not learned. basic inherited style.

Personality = made up of certain characteristic patterns like behavior, feelings & thoughts.  acquired on top of temperament.

Therefore, your temperament is something that really can't change, so knowing that much about someone, especially your spouse, is beyond profitable!

When Wren was born I really don't remember getting that 'Oh my goodness, I've never loved anyone so much' feeling.  Does that make me a bad mother?  Does that mean I love her less than other mothers' love their children?  I honestly can't answer those questions.  I will say that I find myself loving her more and more everyday and squeezing her so tightly I think I might squish her and if you look back on my blog and facebook page you will literally see hundreds of pictures of just her, but I don't remember that feeling.  This doesn't mean that I don't love her and I didn't love her then I just mean that I didn't get that feeling that everyone talks about when their firstborn is welcomed into the world.  People say things like, "I never knew I could love someone so much!"

I'll be honest, I feel that way about my husband!

Some people might think that we are still in the honeymoon stage and that might be true, but you would be surprised at what we've gone through in our (almost) 5 years of marriage!!  We fight, argue and even disagree on several occasions, but at the end of the day he's the one I choose to spend my life with.  I confessed my love for him and vowed in front of God, our friends & family that we would spend the rest of our lives together.  That truly means something!!

In our society today I feel like there is more emphasis on the parent-child relationship than there is on the husband-wife relationship.  Just the other day I was sitting around a dinner table with some people from work and there was a girl there who has only been married for 6 months.  None of our spouses were there.  None of our children were there.  She was talking about what a great man she snatched and immediately negativity towards spouses and marriage started flying around the table.  IT. BROKE. MY. HEART!  They kept telling her she was in the honeymoon stage and she would get over these feelings.  I broke into the conversation and looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I truly hope you don't get over these feelings!  I've been married for almost 5 years and I feel the exact same way about my husband that you feel about yours & we have a kid!"

It seemed that before we had Wren people would always comment about mine and Gary's relationship by saying, "Just wait until you have children.  Things will change."  Now I know that we've only had a child for 10 months, but once I got past the postpartum stage (not depression, just getting used to a newborn) I feel like our relationship has gotten stronger.  And I also know that we have many more years together with children that can hinder our relationship.  But I don't feel like it's appropriate for ANYONE EVER to discourage newlyweds or new parents from having remarkable feelings towards their spouse.

Have you seen the movie Parental Guidance?  I highly recommend it!!  It's a fantastic movie with excellent moral standards.  Just a quick overview...Billy Crystal & Better Midler are considered 'the other grandparents' because their daughter doesn't like their parenting style.  It turns out they end up having to help her family out by watching the kids for a few days while she is supposed to go out of town with her husband while he receives some award.  The mom has a really hard time leaving her children because they are her life! My most favorite quote of the entire movie comes from Bette Midler when she says, "After your kids grow up, your husband is the one who stays."  Oh don't you just love it?!  It makes me so excited that Gary and I will get to be together even after we raise children!!

So how do you do it?  How do you keep that spark alive in your marriage even while you are running around taking your kids everywhere they need to go?  Don't underestimate the power of date night and I'm not talking about once in a blue moon date night I'm talking about making it a priority to spend quality time with your spouse!  Here's a little formula that Gary found that we try to stick to:

20 minutes a night - every day spend an uninterrupted 20 minutes (at least) with your spouse.  No kids, no TV, just talking to him/her.
1 night a week - send the kids to the grandparents or if you don't have family close find another young couple with kids and have different date nights than the other so you can watch each other's kids while they go out.
1 day a month - spend an entire day together.  Switch it up as to what you do.  One month do something she likes, the next month do something he likes.  Play hookie from work while the kids are in school ;).
One weekend every quarter or twice a year - Getaway or at least get the kids out of the house.  You don't have to do anything elaborate for your time together because, let's be honest, we can't all afford to go on a weekend getaway every 3 months, but just taking the time to plan something with your spouse.  Go to the zoo without the kids.  Get some sleep and cuddle all weekend!  Do some household chores that need to be done, but do them together (i.e. clean out the attic never know what treasures you will find up there that might lead to a story that you never knew about your spouse).  Just be together!!

I want to end by saying the most important thing you can do for your marriage is keeping God 1st!!  I'm sure most of you have heard the rule and seen the diagram

the closer you get to God the closer you get to your spouse.  This isn't always easy because just like a marriage relationship can be strained from the busyness of life, so can your relationship with God.  Once again, you have to make it a priority to spend one-on-one time with God as well as time with your spouse & God.  Have a Bible study together that requires you to work separately and then come together to discuss what each other learned.  Hey!  That could be your 20 minutes a night ;).  See what I did there?

I can't say that Gary and I are the best at all of this, but keeping God & each other a priority in our lives is something we strive to do on a daily basis.  I hope and pray that we are able to sustain this throughout the remainder of our lives, until death do us part!  I pray the same thing for each and every one of your relationships as well!

Pray for your spouse!
Pray with your spouse!


1 comment:

kiwifruits said...

I love you and your honesty. Wish I could hug you right now!!