Tuesday, May 26, 2015

HBC = Homebirth Cesarean

How am I doing?  Emotionally?  Physically?  After such a horrific grand entrance into the world Thayer didn't ease up at first.  His first night home was completely sleepless for my mom and me, but we made it!  Now, he's 2 months old and a super sweet, super happy baby...most of the time :).

I decided to head to church the Wednesday after he was born because I just needed to get out.  As we were pulling into the parking lot I started regretting my decision.  I didn't think I was ready to face people's judgments about not being able to have a home birth.  I prayed that everyone would keep it short and sweet and simply congratulate me on the baby.  They did, until it was almost time to leave.  A conversation that I wasn't prepared for took place and I almost broke into tears.  Thankfully I composed myself and got through it with a little silent help from a fellow mommy.

A week after Thayer was born another girl in my Bradley class had her baby at Vanderbilt and Jessica and I went for a visit.  I left Thayer with Gary and my dad and Jessica and I had some time to catch up post birth.  It was great hearing her perspective of everything. She wasn't sure how to act or feel because this was her first experience with this. When she got home that Friday morning she was checking Facebook and somehow got connected to a group called Homebirth Cesarean.  She had never heard of it and wasn't even sure what it was.  She did a little research and realized these were all ladies who planned to have a natural homebirth, but ended up in the hospital with a c-section.  She asked me that night in the car if I would be interested in joining the Facebook group and she would only add me if I felt comfortable with it.  I said I did and it would be nice to have the support of others who have experienced the same thing.

The first few weeks as a mommy of two was super hard!  I tried to stay busy.  I took Wren to a gymnastics play date

We went to my sister's house for Easter

We had a day trip with Gary's Pop where he got to meet his namesake for the first time.  When Pop saw him he said, "I don't even know his name.  What do I call him?"  Gary said, "We named him after you."  Pop replied, "You're kidding?"

This was Pop's first time to hold him and he said, "I've never held myself before!"

We went to story time at the library with friends

We went to Makin' Music

We just went and went and went and I honestly believe that I didn't get the baby blues this time because I started moving and going immediately.  Even though it was harder to get out the door I knew it was the best thing for me to do emotionally.

Jessica added me to the HBC group on Facebook and I started reading some of the stories they posted.  I realized a lot of these women had hard feelings toward their midwives because they were the reason they had to have a c-section.  That was not my case at all!  I loved Susie and if I could work with her again in the future I would in a heartbeat!!  Some of these women are several years post partum from their HBC and still struggle with it.  I had a really hard time with that and hoped as I read what triggered them that I won't be dealing with these feelings years down the road.

The one thing that really got me upset after we got home and comfortable was when the hospital bills started rolling in.  Susie was paid for.  She was paid for several weeks before Thayer was due.  I wouldn't have had to pay anything (except Mary, the nurse) after he was born if the homebirth would have gone as planned and now I have a few thousand dollars in hospital bills.  That has honestly been one of the hardest parts of the whole thing.

But God is good, right? I healed quickly from surgery.  Practically pain free.  I honestly hurt more from pushing than I did from the surgery.

And God just kept on showing me his goodness...the elders at our church came to us and asked if we would be interested in living in the church house, which is located on the church property.  The family that was living there moved out at the end of March and they thought we might be interested in moving in.  They like the idea of having someone on the property and the fact that Gary works in the office and has keys to everything would make it easier if lights were left on or doors needed to be locked/unlocked.  They wanted to treat it like a preacher house again.

I struggled with this decision.  I have been looking at bigger houses since we became pregnant because I knew we needed more space.  My family is out of town and I like for them to have a room and a bed when they come spend the night.  With a 3 bedroom and 2 kids we didn't have the space anymore.  I had never seen the inside of the church house, but I told Gary that if it was 3 bedrooms I wasn't sure if I could do it.  We toured the house after church one Wednesday night and not only does it have 4 bedrooms, but it has a great space for a playroom and a garage!  I think this was God telling us this was a great opportunity!

Once we were fully committed to the move, we were in our new house in 2 weeks.

Now, what to do with our old house?  Do we sell it?  Do we rent it?

We decided pretty quickly to sell it and that we wanted to go through an agent at church.  We chose to go with Melissa Allen  We put our house on the market and 5 days later we signed a contract for full asking price!!  Now, we still haven't closed on it so it's not completely official, but we are very close!

WOW!!  2 months.  That's a lot for 2 months!  Have a baby, recover from surgery, move, and don't sit still (the list above doesn't even cover what all we've done in 2 months :) )!  We are having a blast and I can't imagine life any better!

Gary and I did a little celebrating over the weekend for our 6 year anniversary by having a date night Friday night and then going to Chattanooga for the night on Sunday.  It was a great time for us to be together and recharge!

My friend, Rachel came over last night and she asked me how I was doing emotionally these days.  Funny she should ask because I feel great!  Gary and I discussed over the weekend that we probably won't have a home birth next time, but we defintetly want to try an all natural VBAC at the hospital.  So, hopefully when the time comes for us to officially make this decsision we will be strong and proudly stand by that decision without any terrible memories holding us back.

Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement!

The Washers

1 comment:

nat said...

Just catching up with you and your goings on. Sounds like you have been through a lot and that things have turned a positive corner. I'll be praying for you, sweet friend!